Journaling

There will be times that I will suggest that you journal, as part of your therapy homework. Keeping a journal is recording your thoughts and feelings, just as they are. No sugar coating. No tidying it up…the raw thoughts and feelings. This is your private writing and you can stop in the middle of a sentence if you want; you can write very large, if you want; or very small; no grading on this!

You have probably been disconnected from yourself, and this is a way to record your thoughts and feelings. You have probably been avoiding them in order to cope with life. There may be short periods of time where this is helpful, but in order to have a good sense of self, we need to KNOW yourself. Journaling also helps you process the emotion that may be troubling.

Start by getting something to write in. It could be a fancy journal or as simple as a spiral notebook. It doesn’t matter: just choose something that you will use consistently. Restrain yourself from starting multiple notebooks. Some folks also find it easier to use the computer. If you do this, make sure that your file is locked with a password that only YOU know.

It is very critical that your journal be private. No one else should read your journal without your permission. In fact, it is usually best that your husband not read it as well. You need this to be a totally private place to write anything you want to say. It is fine to insist on this boundary with your journal.

There’s no certain formula to follow. Just start. You’ll probably be surprised at how easy it becomes and how helpful you find the process. Before long, it will become your place of refuge. If you need some questions to start the process here are some samples: (use these only if you need help in starting to write, they are not essential)

  • What were the victories today?
  • What were the struggles today?
  • What did I do specifically today to enhance my recovery?
  • What did I learn about myself today?
  • What did I feel today?

Or, if you prefer to journal in the morning, you can word the questions to fit appropriately.

Try it….I think you will find it a real source of healing.

Filed Under: Helpful Articles

By Don Damsteegt, PhD 20 Sep, 2023
By Don Damsteegt, PhD Relationships are the greatest source of joy in our lives and the greatest source of pain. When couples come to Family Psychology Associates for assistance with their relationship, they experience caring counselors whose goal is to create a safe environment in which to talk to one another, to improve communication, and to improve problem-solving. A specialized technique for couple counseling is Imago Relationship Therapy. This counseling approach emphasizes the importance of listening to one’s partner and validating what is heard for the purpose of one’s own and the other’s growth. When people come for counseling they will be encouraged to practice dialogical communication, which means not immediately responding, but first listening and then acknowledging what was heard. This makes it safe for the speaker to speak and it allows the listener to understand the speaker at a deeper level. For example, a common pattern is for Partner A to say, “I’m frustrated about X.” Partner B may then say, “Why are you frustrated?” or “Just get over it.” or “What did you do to make the other person react that way?” All of these responses invalidate what the speaker has said. We might say this is normal communication, but it is not helpful communication. In couple counseling, the counselor emphasizes listening and validating what the speaker has said. For example, if one partner (the speaker) says, “I’m frustrated about X,” the other partner (the listener) seeks to respond with empathy and understanding. “So you are frustrated about X. Did I get that right? Is there more to that?” Then the listener will seek to validate and empathize with the speaker. “If I were in your shoes I would feel frustrated too. It makes sense that you would want X not to do that. I can imagine that makes you feel hurt.” This is called “Mirroring, Validating and Empathizing (MVE)” This style of communication is rare. One of the gifts that couple counseling offers is a chance to be able to express yourself in a vulnerable manner and to know that your partner will receive the communication with empathy and without judgment. This style of communication allows for safety and opens the possibility of more emotional intimacy. This is a tool that partners can use in situations where emotions run high, such as hurt feelings or feeling very grateful. Research has shown that learning to understand your partner’s inner world and communicating one’s understanding in an empathic way improves relationships. If you are struggling with frustration in a relationship, please feel free to call Family Psychology Associates (319-378-1199) to set up a counseling session with your partner.
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