Family Psychology Associates

Couple Counseling

Wed, 20 Sep 2023 19:46:15 GMT

By Don Damsteegt, PhD

Relationships are the greatest source of joy in our lives and the greatest source of pain. When couples come to Family Psychology Associates for assistance with their relationship, they experience caring counselors whose goal is to create a safe environment in which to talk to one another, to improve communication, and to improve problem-solving.

A specialized technique for couple counseling is Imago Relationship Therapy. This counseling approach emphasizes the importance of listening to one’s partner and validating what is heard for the purpose of one’s own and the other’s growth. When people come for counseling they will be encouraged to practice dialogical communication, which means not immediately responding, but first listening and then acknowledging what was heard. This makes it safe for the speaker to speak and it allows the listener to understand the speaker at a deeper level.

For example, a common pattern is for Partner A to say, “I’m frustrated about X.” Partner B may then say, “Why are you frustrated?” or “Just get over it.” or “What did you do to make the other person react that way?” All of these responses invalidate what the speaker has said. We might say this is normal communication, but it is not helpful communication. In couple counseling, the counselor emphasizes listening and validating what the speaker has said. For example, if one partner (the speaker) says, “I’m frustrated about X,” the other partner (the listener) seeks to respond with empathy and understanding. “So you are frustrated about X. Did I get that right? Is there more to that?” Then the listener will seek to validate and empathize with the speaker. “If I were in your shoes I would feel frustrated too. It makes sense that you would want X not to do that. I can imagine that makes you feel hurt.” This is called “Mirroring, Validating and Empathizing (MVE)”

This style of communication is rare. One of the gifts that couple counseling offers is a chance to be able to express yourself in a vulnerable manner and to know that your partner will receive the communication with empathy and without judgment. This style of communication allows for safety and opens the possibility of more emotional intimacy. This is a tool that partners can use in situations where emotions run high, such as hurt feelings or feeling very grateful.

Research has shown that learning to understand your partner’s inner world and communicating one’s understanding in an empathic way improves relationships. If you are struggling with frustration in a relationship, please feel free to call Family Psychology Associates (319-378-1199) to set up a counseling session with your partner.

What to Expect from Counseling

Mon, 09 Jun 2014 15:19:00 GMT

So, what is counseling?

Counseling is a focused conversation about things you want to change in your life. Counseling is most effective when it occurs in a relationship in which trust and care are established. Friends and relatives provide a type of counseling, as do clergy, teachers and many others. Psychotherapists are different from others who may offer counseling because of our capacity to maintain objectivity and privacy and our extensive training in psychology and human behavior.

If I go to counseling, does it mean there is something wrong with me?

You have sought out counseling because you feel uncomfortable with some aspect of your life. You are demonstrating courage and wisdom by seeking help to gain new skills or perspectives. Some people struggle because of events in their lives, others may struggle because of biological and situational reasons. We will work together to identify the sources of your distress and address them with the appropriate resources, including referrals to other professionals or agencies, if necessary.

What can I expect from my counselor?

You can expect someone who:

Will maintain the highest ethical and legal standards of confidentiality
Is interested in listening to your concerns
Is interested in helping you develop a better understanding of these concerns so that you may deal more easily and effectively with them
Will take you seriously
Will be open to discuss concerns
Will be willing to answer questions about the therapeutic relationship and his/her approach to counseling
Will help you explore options and discover strategies toward change
Will help, but will not do for you what you are capable of doing for yourself

What sort of time commitments do I need to make for counseling?

We strive to offer therapeutic treatment as efficiently as possible. The number of sessions you need will depend on the severity and nature of your presenting concerns. Your counselor can give you an estimate of how many sessions it may take to address your goals. Each session will be between 50-60 minutes. You and your counselor will work together to decide the frequency of your visits.

What can I do to benefit most from counseling?

Be ready to focus on a specific problem or issue
Set clear and specific goals
Attend your sessions regularly and take an active part in them
Let your counselor know if you will be late or are unable to attend a session
Talk about what is bothering you as openly and honestly as you can
Complete any tasks or homework assignments which you may be asked to do
Be open to trying new or different approaches for dealing with your concerns
Talk openly with your counselor about your progress in counseling. Your counselor is most interested in you benefiting from counseling. There are many different ways to provide counseling and your counselor can modify his/her methods to be most effective for you
Apply your new insights and growth in your daily activities

Filed Under: Helpful Articles

Listening to Teenagers

Wed, 12 Mar 2014 13:29:00 GMT

Listening to Teenagers

By Ken Fate

I recently started a book study with some parents. We were discussing the book “ How To Talk So Teens Will Listen And Listen So Teens Will Talk ”, written by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

In this edition I will share some gleanings from Chapter 1 which addresses the issue of feelings.

Teenagers today have special challenges they are facing in this 21st century. Most parents want our kids to talk to us so we know what’s going on in their world. If we create an atmosphere of mutual respect where they can express their feelings, hopefully they will be more open to hearing ours as well.

We don’t realize it but with good intentions we often dismiss feelings, ridicule thoughts, criticize judgment and give unsolicited advice. We don’t want our teenagers to be hurt, experience pain or suffer in any way. Thus, we do a lot of things that we think will help. There are responses that we can use that facilitate our teens to talk.

They are:

1. When your teen talks, identify the thought and acknowledge the feeling with words or sounds.

Teen: “I can’t believe I didn’t get picked for the play. I was much better than the kid they picked to play the part”.

Parent: “It sounds like you feel disappointed that the director did not see your talent”.

2. A second way to encourage sharing is to give in fantasy what we can’t in reality.

Teen: “Why do I always have to take out the garbage”?

Parent: “Wouldn’t it be nice if the garbage would take itself out”?

3. A third way includes accepting feelings as you redirect the behavior.

Teen: “I really want to go to that ball game but I promised grandpa that I would help him with his computer”.

Parent: “You are frustrated with missing out on the game because you know you already have a commitment”.

Using these responses keep the conversation going and prevent the teen from shutting down or getting defensive. This often happens when we lecture, criticize or just plain lose our cool. The brain thinks best when it is not under stress.

In staying calm and reflecting their feelings and thoughts, we keep them thinking. Problem solving can occur when they are thinking. It’s when they shut down and get defensive, the problem solving stops.

More later.

Filed Under: Helpful Articles , Teen Issues

Time and Money Worries Give Way To Holiday Stress

Sun, 15 Dec 2013 17:15:00 GMT

Time and Money Worries Give Way To Holiday Stress

By Don Damsteegt, PhD.

With pleasant thoughts of food, family and decoration, the holidays can be a source of joy for many people. For others, this time of year can be associated with anxiety and stress. In fact, the American Psychological Association’s (APA) Stress in America survey finds that many Americans report money as a significant source of stress in their lives and that many report lack of time as a reason they’re not doing more to manage their stress. During the holiday season, however, money concerns can be elevated and personal time can be tight, which may add to people’s stress says the APA. More information about the Stress in America survey can be found at www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/index.aspx.

“The holidays can be a stressful time for everyone, but there are some steps you can take to help manage your stress,” says Don Damsteegt, PhD. “You can begin by developing a simple approach that helps you set realistic goals. Then, be sure to make time for relaxation and enjoy low-key celebrations with good friends and family.”

APA and the Iowa Psychological Association suggest the following strategies to help manage your holiday stress:

Set realistic expectations. No holiday celebration is perfect; view inevitable missteps as opportunities to demonstrate flexibility and resilience. Create a realistic budget and remind your children that the holidays aren’t about expensive gifts.
Take time for yourself. Taking care of yourself helps you to take better care of others in your life. Go for a long walk, read something that interests you or listen to your favorite music. By slowing down you may find more energy to accomplish your holiday goals.
Volunteer. Many charitable organizations face new challenges as a result of the ongoing economic downturn. Find a local charity, such as a soup kitchen or a shelter, where you and your family can volunteer together throughout the year. Helping others can put hardships in perspective and build stronger family relationships.
Remember what’s important. Commercialism can overshadow the true sentiment of the holiday season. When your holiday expense list is running longer than your monthly budget, scale back. Remind yourself that family, friends and the relationships in your life are what matter most.
Seek support. Talk about stress related to the holidays with your friends and family. Getting things out in the open can help you navigate your feelings and work toward a solution. If you continue to feel overwhelmed, consider talking with a professional such as a psychologist to help you develop coping strategies and better manage your stress. A psychologist has the skills and professional training to help people learn to manage stress and cope more effectively with life’s problems.

For additional information on stress and lifestyle and behavior, visit www.apahelpcenter.org , read the blog www.yourmindyourbody.org and follow @apahelpcenter on Twitter. In addition, the Iowa Psychological Association has other resources, such a list of books that psychologists recommend to their clients, available at www.iowapsychology.org .

The American Psychological Association, in Washington, D.C., is the largest scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States and is the world’s largest association of psychologists. APA’s membership includes more than 154,000 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants and students. Through its divisions in 54 subfields of psychology and affiliations with 60 state, territorial and Canadian provincial associations, APA works to advance psychology as a science, as a profession, and as a means of promoting health, education and human welfare.

Filed Under: Helpful Articles

Pain Management

Sun, 15 Dec 2013 17:13:00 GMT

By Bud Perschek

In the spring of 2014 while living in Oregon, I was recruited for and asked to participate and help pioneer a new program. At that time, more emphasis was being placed on the negative and long last effects that opiates were having on patients. Physical dependence on opiates affected all who were placed on them. Psychological addiction was also becoming prevalent. Physicians, who had been previously encouraged to prescribe pain medications, were now being instructed wean their patients with chronic pain off of them.

This proved to be a dilemma for those who had been on these medications, sometimes for years. In response it was suggested that much of the perceived physical pain may be able to be addressed with a more natural and effective behavioral approach.

I remember when I went in to discuss the program. I said to them: “But I don’t know anything about Chronic Pain.” They all said “Yes you do.” I know now that the skills they were looking for had nothing to do with medications or traditional medical treatment. It had to do with an approach that would address the additional psychological pain many chronic pain sufferers endure. There was a mandate to get chronic pain sufferers off of opiate medication, but how we going to do it? Given this I agreed to help establish a pain management program that covered the Northwest portion of the state.

We did have an initial model to draw from on the structure of the Program. It would be conducted in groups of 5 to 10 clients. It would run weekly for 10 sessions. I remember that there was a lot of initial tweaking to the program to help make it educational, informative and effective for the participants. My learning curve was never so steep.

I must admit, I had my doubts. Why would I say that? It seemed like an insurmountable task. Deep breathing; restructuring the way you think; laughter; diet; sleep hygiene; body movement? What? Body movement for a person in pain??? No one was more surprised than me when we started getting good results. 95% of the participants reported that the program was “very helpful” to them and I was tickled pink. I don’t think we cured their chronic pain, but it was successful in helping them perceive pain differently.

As the program progressed, we began noticing something else. We had a number of participants who were also in mental health treatment. Their therapists began noticing that their psychological symptoms had improved, and a lot of the improvement was attributed to their participation in the pain clinic program. I guess it makes sense, physical and psychological pain have a lot of the same characteristics. So, we began to expand the program to include and address those with psychological pain.

I really hated to leave the program, but it was time to relocate back to Iowa. After moving I contacted the director of The Wellness Center in Cedar Rapids. I had heard that they were interested in a pain management program. I volunteered my time and we successfully graduated two classes. Then Covid hit.

Since doing the pain management program, I have become a firm believer in a more holistic approach in working with our clients. The pain clinic opened my eyes to explore other more natural ways to address the whole person.

I am trying to incorporate the principles I have acquired from the pain clinic to individual therapy. I do believe, however, that a group model is more conducive primarily because of peer interaction. I hope soon to re-establish a pain management group at Family Psychology Associates in Cedar Rapids. We shall see.

Filed Under: Helpful Articles

A Review of Treament for Depression and Anxiety

Sun, 15 Dec 2013 17:09:00 GMT

Talk therapy vs. medication vs. both?

By Patricia Steflik, LMHC

The take away message from TV, internet and other forms of media advertisements would have us believe that the answer to all manner of ailments or conditions lies in a “pill.” The recent July issue of Consumer Reports magazine presented the results from a survey conducted in their 2009 Annual Questionnaire to address the question whether medication or talk therapy or some combination of both was more effective. They surveyed more than 1500 respondents who had sought professional help for depression, anxiety, or both. Nearly 78% of the respondents received medication for their depression or anxiety. The article went on to report a tremendous growth of the use of antidepressant drugs in the past 15 years.

“According to IMS Health, a group that monitors drug sales, doctors in the US prescribed $9.9 billion worth of antidepressants in 2009; the third most prescribed class of drugs in the country, after cholesterol-lowering drugs and codeine-based painkillers, thanks at least in part to years of aggressive marketing.”

CR’s survey looked at mental health treatment as it’s practiced in the real world as opposed to the carefully controlled environment of clinical trials of psychiatric drugs.

A summary of some of their findings were:

Talk therapy helps. The survey indicated that the advantages of talk therapy over medication were that individuals did not experience drug side effects and it provided them the opportunity to learn new skills or tools to improve their mental health over the long term. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, a widely used method, helps people learn to recognize and change thoughts or behaviors that may be contributing to their distress.
Some drugs have an edge over others: one size does not fit all. The article compared several classes of drug therapy widely known and used by practitioners in the treatment of depression and/or anxiety disorders (e.g. SSRIs and SNRIs). It would appear that there may be a trade off between degree of effectiveness and some of the side effects that may occur.
Reports of Anxiety symptoms have increased. Compared to the 2004 mental health survey conducted by CS, the percentage of people experiencing anxiety had increased from 41 to 58%.
Side effects had shifted. Side effects reported among people taking antidepressants were higher than those reported in drug company funded studies.
Type of therapist doesn’t matter. PhD Psychologists, Licensed Social Workers and Licensed Professional Counselors received equal ratings from those who participated in talk therapy.

To summarize further some of the main points in this article; it would appear that relying solely on medication may bring short term relief but when you stop taking the medication the problem may return; how well talk therapy helps often depends on compatibility with the therapist and the number of sessions an individual attends. When people stayed with talk therapy for at least seven sessions they had significantly better outcomes. Overall, patients got the best results from drugs and talk therapy together.

To read more about this see the July 2010 Consumer Reports magazine article “Depression & anxiety; readers reveal the therapists and drugs that helped.”

Filed Under: Helpful Articles

Coping With Holiday Stress

Sun, 15 Dec 2013 16:51:00 GMT

While the holidays are seen by many as a joyful time, they can also be a stressful time for many people, particularly women (who tend to feel particularly responsible for the family like shopping, cooking, and holiday celebrations) and lower middle income individuals (who tend to struggle to find the in extra income to afford the holidays) according to the findings of a 2006 survey on holiday stress conducted by the Greenberg Quinlan Rosner research group. While different people experience stress differently, stressed individuals often report symptoms of fatigue, nervousness, sadness, headaches, indigestion, and muscle tension, just to name a few. Increased stress may also lead to a reduced ability to cope with frustration; others may complain that the stressed individual is more irritable than usual. This certainly can put a pall over the holiday season.

Many people engage in activities that they believe help them cope with stress, such as increased eating, increased consumption of alcoholic beverages, watching television and sleeping more than normal. While these activities can have an immediate effect they may result in long-term negative physical and psychological effects (e.g., increased weight, depression).

So, what to do? The American Psychological Association Help Center (www.APAhelpCenter.org) suggests paying attention to what is causing stress and then taking action that does not worsen the situation. Suggested stress-busting actions include:

Reduce/manage holiday activities. Be realistic with holiday goals for the amount of time you have. Consider paring down some of the activities. Recruit help. Prepare foods ahead of time.

Relax! Several brief time-outs during your busy day may help lower stress. For example, while shopping sit down and focus your attention on your breathing and away from the hustle and bustle of shopping. Become aware of any tension in your body breathe into that tension on the in-breath and breathe out from that tension on the out- breath. Engage in this “being” activity for 2 to 3 minutes as a way to relieve yourself from the “doing” activity that is taking up most of your time. Other relaxation activities include meditation, prayer, exercise (walking, yoga), reading and participating in a religious service.

Take care of yourself. Be aware of tendencies to control/micromanage holiday events. Unrealistic expectations of your responsibilities and/or the behaviors of others most likely will increase your level of stress. Also, the holidays may be a time of remembering not-so-pleasant incidences. If you, or someone close to you, becomes aware of symptoms of depression or anxiety you may want to talk with someone you trust (e.g., a minister or a mental health professional).

Financial stress. It is no secret that we are experiencing difficult economic times. The holidays can add to an already stressful financial situation. Discussing your financial situation with a financial advisor may help you design a financial plan for the holidays (as well as for the rest of the year).

Have fun! Get together with others (friends and family) who are supportive and fun to be with. Engage in a fun activity or two (remember sledding?).

Many people look forward to the holidays as a time of good cheer. They are, 1st and foremost, a joyful time. Managing the stress of the holidays will most likely enhance your ability to enjoy this “Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”

Filed Under: Helpful Articles

Eating Disorders: A Spectrum Illness

Sun, 15 Dec 2013 16:48:00 GMT

According to US estimates from The National Institute of Mental Health, between 5 per cent and 10 per cent of girls and women (i.e. 5-10 million people) and 1 million boys and men suffer from eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, or other associated dietary conditions. Estimates suggest that as many as 15 percent of young women adopt unhealthy attitudes and behaviors about food. Amongst psychological disorders, they are the most deadly. A common misconception is that eating disorders are about weight, shape, size, and food. Actually, they are not at all about any of these. Instead, these things are only what is visible and the underlying development of eating disorders is related to much deeper rooted factors. Eating disorders are a spectrum illness meaning that the different types of diagnoses exist along a continuum. Eating disorder like behavior occurs as part of a spectrum of self destructive acts. There are different degrees of severity and varying phases of the illness and recovery process.

These illnesses affect one’s psychological and biological well being and unless appropriately diagnosed and treated, the illness cycle can continue to affect every aspect of a person’s life. Treatment needs to focus on the care and feeding not only of the body and mind, but also of one’s soul.

If you or someone you know is struggling with any of these issues, it is essential to ask for help from an appropriate professional. The treatment and recovery of eating disorders needs to be multidimensional including nutritional rehabilitation, symptom management, cognitive behavioral therapy, and psychotherapy to discover the function that the bingeing, starving, or purging is fulfilling. Despite much debate, it is possible for someone with an eating disorder to recover!

Discussed below are descriptions of the various diagnoses along this spectrum of illnesses.

ANOREXIA NERVOSA

The term Anorexia comes from Greek origin (privation, lack of) anorexia (appetite). This means a lack of a desire to eat but this term is not sufficient to describe the illness. The addition of the word Nervosa describes the condition more completely (lack of desire to eat due to a mental condition). Persons with this disorder struggle with much more than loosing their appetites, they actually have a longing desire to eat. Some often give in to their rigid behaviors and eat with no control as a result of being starved. Eventually a person with Anorexia may actually lack their appetite because their body has become so confused through the restricting, possible binging and purging. Despite not feeling hungry, the mind sends constant impulses to eat because starvation is against what the normal body instincts are. Most clearly stated, this syndrome is due to a psychological disturbance where food is the outer expression of the problem. A person believes that they are in control if they are thin. Anorexia is the most rare of eating disorders and also the most deadly. Many anorexics develop bulimia nervosa at some point because of the body’s inability to maintain starvation that is self induced.

BULIMIA NERVOSA

The term bulimia comes from Latin and means “hunger of an ox.” People with this diagnosis often have tried to control their weight by restricting their food and have been unable to do so. The result is bingeing and then purging out of a fear that they will gain weight from the binge. Bulimics are usually at or above a normal weight but still try to restrict their intake to keep a weight that is too low to maintain. A key feature of this illness is that although it appears to be about dieting and weight control end up becoming a way to regulate one’s feelings of anxiety and depression. The act of purging can become addictive. Bulimics are often more ashamed of their illness and because they have such a sense of being out of control, they usually come into treatment more willing than anorexics to end the behaviors.

BINGE EATING DISORDER

This disorder is comprised of individuals who binge on large amounts of food with no efforts to compensate for their excessive intake of calories. BED is usually associated with people who are overweight and/or obese but is not limited to this population. The eating is often associated with a specific triggering event and usually followed by self loathing and physical discomfort. The health consequences are also critical for this illness and the behaviors are debilitating in terms of the likelihood of social isolation and guilt that are often associated with these behaviors. At this point the knowledge about the psychosocial risk factors is still limited and further research needs to be done to understand the factors associated with the development of the illness.

When dealing with these illnesses it is clearly necessary for the person to receive the appropriate medical and therapeutic care. Although they can be a life long struggle it is so important to understand that an individual with one of these diagnoses can recover. The road to recovery is usually long but extremely worthwhile. The personality traits that may have led a person into an eating disorder are also the traits that can be used as the willpower to recover and lead a productive and fulfilling life.

Filed Under: Helpful Articles

Getting Healthy Sleep

Sun, 15 Dec 2013 16:42:00 GMT

How have you been sleeping? Where are you sleeping? How long do you sleep?

If you are like most adults, you are likely not getting enough sleep. Most adults try to get by on five to six hours of sleep each night. We are busy. You may work outside of the home and then have all the tasks at home to address during the evening hours. You may have children who are involved in activities that keep you busy throughout most of the week. It may be that you have gotten into an unhealthy habit of staying up late to watch favorite television shows or to surf the internet. In the end, it is often sleep that is sacrificed. Do you know what kinds of effects sleep deprivation have?

Sleep is the time when our bodies rejuvenate from our busy days. Healing of muscles and tissues and restoring of energy takes place. Memory consolidation also takes place during sleep, meaning that all the information you were exposed to during the day is filed into the appropriate space so that it can be retrieved when needed. For children, who are learning sponges, sleep is vital to being a successful student.

So when we are not getting enough sleep, we are likely to feel as though we are running on half a tank of energy, as opposed to having our full resources at our disposal. We do not think as clearly. Our concentration may be disrupted. Our memory begins to fail us. Certainly, most of us have also experienced the irritability that comes along with not getting enough sleep. Do you also know that there are potentially serious health consequences of not getting adequate sleep? Sleep deprivation increases our risk for obesity, heart attacks, and anxiety and depression.

What can I do? If you can relate with some of the above, working toward restoring good sleep hygiene is likely to be helpful. What does it mean to have good sleep hygiene? Essentially, it means getting into a routine so that you are training your body when to expect and how to go to sleep. Isn’t it as simple as lying down and closing my eyes? For the lucky, this may be true. Some people can fall asleep wherever and whenever. For most of us, however, our bodies need to be prepared for sleep. Starting with the environment, you can help improve your sleep by making your sleep space comfortable. Get a quality mattress. Use comfortable sheets and have blankets for layering so that you can adjust to your comfort level. Have a supportive pillow, possibly utilize a body pillow as well to support other parts of your body. Determine whether you need some white noise (such as a fan or noise machine) to help cover up intrusive noises. (If you have a partner who snores, you may also want to invest in some ear plugs to help block the noise.) Set the thermostat at a cooler temperature during your sleeping hours. Your sleep space should also only be used for sleeping and for sexual activities. This means not eating in bed and not reading or lounging in your sleep space. Your body will be confused as to what is expected if you are using your sleep space for activities other than sleep.

Other activities that can interfere with sleep include eating too close to bedtime. You should try to make your last meal or snack about two hours before you want to sleep; otherwise, your body will be working to process and digest the food when you are trying to get it to shut down and turn off for sleep.
Limit caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine intake in the evenings as well, as these all can interfere with the sleep structure.
Exercise can be very helpful in getting good sleep. Exercising most every day for 30 to 60 minutes can help burn off energy and loosen muscles. Think broadly here. Exercise can include such things as walking, biking, gardening, playing kickball with the children, dancing with a partner, stretching and doing yoga. However, exercising too close to bedtime can interfere with sleep because being active raises your body temperature and typically when you are falling asleep your body is cooling down. The same can be true of taking warm baths or warm showers too close to bedtime. These can raise your body temperature and can then delay the onset of sleep. So, while exercising is beneficial to sleeping well, be sure to exercise no closer than two hours before sleep time. Taking a warm shower or bath can also help to relax you and you may want to try this a couple of hours prior to sleep.
Disengaging from stimulation and having a time to transition to sleep is also helpful. This means turning off the television and getting off of the computer in order to signal your body to start slowing down and shutting down for sleep.

If you have tried in earnest toward establishing and maintaining a healthy sleep routine and are still having problems with sleep and low energy, it may be worthwhile to consult with your doctor for any possible medical causes to your sleep problems. If you believe stress, depression, or anxiety may be contributing to your sleep difficulties, please consider therapy as an option for addressing those areas. Here’s hoping you have a good night’s sleep!

Filed Under: Helpful Articles

Journaling

Sun, 15 Dec 2013 15:43:00 GMT

There will be times that I will suggest that you journal, as part of your therapy homework. Keeping a journal is recording your thoughts and feelings, just as they are. No sugar coating. No tidying it up…the raw thoughts and feelings. This is your private writing and you can stop in the middle of a sentence if you want; you can write very large, if you want; or very small; no grading on this!

You have probably been disconnected from yourself, and this is a way to record your thoughts and feelings. You have probably been avoiding them in order to cope with life. There may be short periods of time where this is helpful, but in order to have a good sense of self, we need to KNOW yourself. Journaling also helps you process the emotion that may be troubling.

Start by getting something to write in. It could be a fancy journal or as simple as a spiral notebook. It doesn’t matter: just choose something that you will use consistently. Restrain yourself from starting multiple notebooks. Some folks also find it easier to use the computer. If you do this, make sure that your file is locked with a password that only YOU know.

It is very critical that your journal be private. No one else should read your journal without your permission. In fact, it is usually best that your husband not read it as well. You need this to be a totally private place to write anything you want to say. It is fine to insist on this boundary with your journal.

There’s no certain formula to follow. Just start. You’ll probably be surprised at how easy it becomes and how helpful you find the process. Before long, it will become your place of refuge. If you need some questions to start the process here are some samples: (use these only if you need help in starting to write, they are not essential)

What were the victories today?
What were the struggles today?
What did I do specifically today to enhance my recovery?
What did I learn about myself today?
What did I feel today?

Or, if you prefer to journal in the morning, you can word the questions to fit appropriately.

Try it….I think you will find it a real source of healing.

Filed Under: Helpful Articles

Reconnecting as a Family in a Fast – Paced World

Sun, 15 Dec 2013 07:25:00 GMT

By Keri Christensen L.I.S.W.

Parenting has always been a difficult task but has become even more difficult in our fast-paced society. Many times parents feel like a taxi, running their children from activity to activity. With hectic work schedules and many parents working extra hours in an attempt to prove their worth in a suffering economy, families often suffer. Routines can be a great way to provide structure to a busy family and help parents to feel more in control rather than feel as if they are rushing from one thing to the next. Morning routines can be a great way to start the day and night routines can close out a day with adding preparation for the day to come.

Routines that include spending tim e together are one of the best ways to help relationships grow. Families can spend time together in many different ways. Going out to eat, attending church together, family game night, and going on family outings are all great ways for quality time together.

One of the simplest ways to spend time as a family is to eat dinner together. It’s easy to say, “We’re just too busy”, but as parents, we should never be too busy for our families. Studies show that eating together as a family increases a child’s self-esteem and cuts back on the chance of a child having an eating disorder by teaching healthy eating habits and allowing parents time to connect with their children on a regular basis. Connecting is done much easier when the T.V. is turned off!!! When families eat together with the T.V. on, they often miss the connection they could have had, and according to researchers at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, television watching is linked together with the increasing obesity rates in children.

So turn off the T.V. and have dinner with your family tonight!

Filed Under: Helpful Articles

Basic Training for Life (a metaphor for raising children)

Sun, 15 Dec 2013 07:15:00 GMT

By Ken Fate, MS, LMHC

I once asked my father why he made us work so much and had so many rules. He said, “Well, I wanted you to not like it here so much that you would want to come back and stay.” He was saying this tongue in cheek, but he helped me separate from the family and prepare for life. I loved home but was trained and ready to make my own way.

Metaphors can help teens understand what we do as parents. One that I like is the “Basic Training” metaphor. The act of training a son or daughter for the real world begins in the safety and security of the home. In this “Basic Training” we don’t start the day with revelry or make them march with a 100 pound pack, but we are training them to do battle with the challenges of life. All children need to learn to delay gratification, follow rules, and be responsible. Failure to attain these skills can create teenagers who can’t handle frustration or delay gratification. They may lead to escaping reality, avoid risk taking, becoming dependent and emotional immaturity.

Parents often want to be a parent and a friend. Though teens can appear to be mature adults , they are not. They can be very persuasive, have sophisticated communication skills and lots of friends to support their wishes. Thus, we often get into conversations that lead to conflicts because of faulty reasoning that we must re-explain our limits and they must like our explanations. One of the biggest mistakes we make is using too much talking and too much emotion in the heat of a conflict. Generally, when strong emotion is present the message is missed and the emotion (anger) is received, leading to withdrawal, acting out or revenge.

When we involve the teen in decisions allowing their voices to be heard, we respect them. It is more effective to be proactive and discuss our reasons, do our negotiating, and get their input prior to a conflict. When issues do arise we can respect them by reflecting their frustrations with the rules but not giving in. For example, “You are frustrated that your video game time is over and you have to do your homework now?” We should not take on their problem and try to do anything but be supportive and reflect back what they are feeling and why. It shows respect and sends the message that this is not a topic for discussion.

We are not preparing our kids for armed conflict in the U.S. Military. However, we are preparing them for being independent and self-sufficient citizens. When they need you to help them “be all they can be” remember that sometimes you have to help them earn their stripes.

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